WATERCOOLER: why should Australia compete in Eurovision?

Guy Sebastian representing Australia performs during the Grand Final of the 60th annual Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) at the Wiener Stadthalle in Vienna, Austria.
Guy Sebastian representing Australia performs during the Grand Final of the 60th annual Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) at the Wiener Stadthalle in Vienna, Austria. GEORG HOCHMUTH

I HAVE it on good authority that Australia will be represented in the Eurovision song contest next year. Which is fine, but a little confusing. We're not part of Europe. Not even close.

Sure, it was nice when they invited us last year and we sent little Guy Sebastian along. But it was just a nice piece of public relations. A condescending pat on the head for us being big supporters. "Good on you, you little Aussie battlers," the organisers were saying.

But Guy was never going to win. Imagine how embarrassing it would have been for an Australian to win Europe's premier talent quest. The cream of Europe's entertainment freak scene humbled by an Aussie? Never!

Our presence in Eurovision was sort of like a Fijian ice skating team going to the Winter Olympics. Cute and inspirational, but never a medal hope and just a little sad. Don't get me wrong, I love the event. Where else can you get so many mullets, so much theatre and so many wind machines? And remember the bird with the beard who won it the year before? I love it!

My wife and I watch it every year. Our favourite thing, apart from the on-stage action, is to watch the hilarious live tweets from other viewers.

Should Australia go to Eurovision in 2016

This poll ended on 30 November 2015.

YES - it's fun and we have so much great talent to showcase. - 72%

NO - it's a waste of time and money. - 27%

This is not a scientific poll. The results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate.

For instance, a woman with a beard walks on stage and some wag in Uzbekistan will tweet "Mum! Is that you? You told me you were going to the shop to get milk!"

Or some bird with long hair will be winding up to hit a ridiculously high note and someone will tweet "Cue the wind machine". Then "bingo!", the wind machine invariably cranks up. Eurovision loves wind machines. And mullets.

And there's always some death metal band from Norway or Sweden screaming.

But if Australia is going to be represented next year, who to send? Delta Goodrem would fit perfectly into the schmaltzy Eurovision mould but I can't stand her, so she's out.

What about that Minogue girl?

Not the annoying one. I mean Kylie. Put her in a pair of gold hotpants, whack a bit of facial hair on her and stand her in front of a wind machine - we might actually be a contender.

Look out Eurovision!

We're sending the bearded singing budgie!

Should Australia be taking part in Eurovision and if so, who should Australian send to represent us in 2016?

Join our daily watercooler by leaving a comment below.

Topics:  editors picks entertainment eurovision guy sebastian music watercooler

Smokey skies in Rockhampton

Simon Bensch from Tannum Sands Rural Fire Brigade is calling for more fire fighter volunteers.

Photo Brenda Strong / The Observer

Little smokey in Rockhampton today

Emergency service crews respond to crash on highway

Ambulance generic

It is unclear how many are involved in the crash

Local Partners

Youths given the power to choose

It can be hard for disengaged youths to choose the right path when they come to a fork in the road, but Project Booyah is sending them in the right direction.

Your chance to win

Learn More

Former Split Enz front man Tim Finn finds new niche

Singer Tim Finn has written the music for theatre production Ladies in Black.

Musician finds his way to theatre

WHAT'S ON: Your guide to entertainment and events this weekend

AWARD WINNING SHOW: Tequila Mockingbird can be seen at St Brednan's College, Yeppoon on Saturday.

LOOKING for something to do this weekend?

Garage Sale Trail finds treasure in trash

Richard Morvell from Trendy Trash Rockhampton, Cr Neil Fisher, and Craig Dunglison, Manager of Rockhampton Regional Waste and Recycling gear up for Garage Sale Trail.

Bargains galore on offer at garage sales this weekend

Azealia Banks won't take legal action against Russell Crowe

Rapper Azealia Banks

Rapper drops legal action against Russell Crowe

Brad Pitt meets with his kids amid divorce proceedings

Actor Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt has met up with his oldest son Maddox

Pictures of Taylor Swift allegedly being groped are sealed

They could "complicate jury selection".

Bruce Springsteen finds therapy useful

Singer Bruce Springsteen

Singer encourages others to seek help

Kerry Washington wants one more child

Kerry Washington recently gave birth to her second child

Kerry has only just become a new mum again

TRAVEL: Musicals light up Sydney

David Campbell performs in Dream Lover.

We take a trip through one of Sydney's finer scenes

Hit songwriter's Noosa mansion on market

SPECIAL PLACE: The Cintamani estate is going to tender, marketed by Tom Offermann Real Estate.

Is this Queensland's best property?

Kiwi siblings snap up Dotcom mansion for $32.5m

The new toy company owners of the Coatesville mansion want replace any controversy with positivity and fun. Photo / Barfoot and Thompson

The trio paid $32.5 million for the property in June

New $200 million development will create 580 jobs

Cassie And Josh with baby Alfie and daughter Andee. They have bought at new Lennox Head development Epiq.

Majority of new positions will be given to Northern Rivers locals

Cherrabah's mega resort plans axed

PLANS for a massive development at Cherrabah have been scrapped.

What our mayor thinks of the new draft SEQPlan

The plan to use the innovative technology as part of the new Maroochydore CBD was cemented on site today when Mayor Mark Jamieson and Envac Asia Region president Chun Yong Ha formally signed the contract for the $20 million underground waste collection system.

New plan accommodates Sunshine Coast Council's vision for growth.

Dusit Thani finance crisis 'just a small hiccup'

ON TRACK: Springfield Land Chairman, Maha Sinnathamby, Ipswich Mayor Paul Pisasale, Developer Richard Turner and Springfield Land Deputy Chairman, Bob Sharpless, at the recent resort sod turning ceremony.

Property developer says project remains firmly on track