Opinion

WATERCOOLER: why should Australia compete in Eurovision?

Guy Sebastian representing Australia performs during the Grand Final of the 60th annual Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) at the Wiener Stadthalle in Vienna, Austria.
Guy Sebastian representing Australia performs during the Grand Final of the 60th annual Eurovision Song Contest (ESC) at the Wiener Stadthalle in Vienna, Austria. GEORG HOCHMUTH

I HAVE it on good authority that Australia will be represented in the Eurovision song contest next year. Which is fine, but a little confusing. We're not part of Europe. Not even close.

Sure, it was nice when they invited us last year and we sent little Guy Sebastian along. But it was just a nice piece of public relations. A condescending pat on the head for us being big supporters. "Good on you, you little Aussie battlers," the organisers were saying.

But Guy was never going to win. Imagine how embarrassing it would have been for an Australian to win Europe's premier talent quest. The cream of Europe's entertainment freak scene humbled by an Aussie? Never!

Our presence in Eurovision was sort of like a Fijian ice skating team going to the Winter Olympics. Cute and inspirational, but never a medal hope and just a little sad. Don't get me wrong, I love the event. Where else can you get so many mullets, so much theatre and so many wind machines? And remember the bird with the beard who won it the year before? I love it!

My wife and I watch it every year. Our favourite thing, apart from the on-stage action, is to watch the hilarious live tweets from other viewers.

Should Australia go to Eurovision in 2016

This poll ended on 30 November 2015.

YES - it's fun and we have so much great talent to showcase. - 72%

NO - it's a waste of time and money. - 27%

This is not a scientific poll. The results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate.

For instance, a woman with a beard walks on stage and some wag in Uzbekistan will tweet "Mum! Is that you? You told me you were going to the shop to get milk!"

Or some bird with long hair will be winding up to hit a ridiculously high note and someone will tweet "Cue the wind machine". Then "bingo!", the wind machine invariably cranks up. Eurovision loves wind machines. And mullets.

And there's always some death metal band from Norway or Sweden screaming.

But if Australia is going to be represented next year, who to send? Delta Goodrem would fit perfectly into the schmaltzy Eurovision mould but I can't stand her, so she's out.

What about that Minogue girl?

Not the annoying one. I mean Kylie. Put her in a pair of gold hotpants, whack a bit of facial hair on her and stand her in front of a wind machine - we might actually be a contender.

Look out Eurovision!

We're sending the bearded singing budgie!

Should Australia be taking part in Eurovision and if so, who should Australian send to represent us in 2016?

Join our daily watercooler by leaving a comment below.

Topics:  editors picks, entertainment, eurovision, guy sebastian, music, watercooler




Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Want a free Samsung tablet? We're giving them away

Get your hands on this baby totally free when you subscribe to our digital subscription offer.

YOU don't want to miss out on this ripper deal.

UPDATE: Second 5-metre croc sighting at Emu Park

A Yeppoon fisherman took this picture while crabbing at Coorooman Creek, Emu Park two weeks ago. Photo: Graham Leicht

Yeppoon resident comes forward with second '5 metre' croc sighting

OPINION: Are we more than just a beef city?

Karl Stefanovic and Lisa Wilkinson in Rockhampton. Photo Allan Reinikka / The Morning Bulletin

I'm confused what image are we trying to project and I'm a local.

Latest deals and offers

Capricornia would swing back to ALP if young people vote

Capricornia could be decided by young voters.

Young voters could be the difference in election.

Beyonce is better than Beethoven according to your dog

Sony research shows that dogs prefer Top 40 over classical.

Research commissioned by Sony shows that dogs like Top 40 more than classical.

Kevin Walters has done his homework on Moylan

GOLD COAST, AUSTRALIA - MAY 29:  Coach Kevin Walters during a Queensland Maroons State of Origin training session on May 29, 2016 in Gold Coast, Australia.  (Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images)

Qld Couch Kevin Walters is aware of NSW fullback.

Own Sunshine Coast property? You’re about to make money

UP AND UP: Property owners are likely to win from rent and price increases but tenants and first home buyers might not be so happy. Photo: Brett Wortman / Sunshine Coast Daily

Good new for property owners, not so good for buyers and tenants.

Sale nears on last large block of land in Coolum

The 43.37ha property on South Coolum Rd has sold.

South Coolum Rd property to be land banked