LOOK, this brouhaha over the AWU (Australian Winewriters' Union) is out of hand.
Of course there's a slush fund.
That's our entire raison d'etre - a cute French phrase superior wine snobs trot out when teasing Melbourne commuters and opposition philistines, both of whom wouldn't want the French here in the first place, but that's another story.
The real issue is whether the slush fund is legal and did the PM do anything illegal.
Of course slush is legal. What's wrong with taking a few dollars from the lowest paid unionists and spending it on fine wines, food, home renovations and brothels?
If it's good enough for the Health Services Union, it's appropriate for the Winewriters' Union.
If anyone should be researching the true value of Grange, surely it is our executive. It's another of our raisons d'etres.
To those Coalition types who take great delight in highlighting how awful unions are compared to capitalist corporations (which is their raison d'etre) we promise to reimburse it …as soon as our funds are reimbursed as unsecured creditors of Bond Corp, Skase Corp, HIH Insurance, ABC Learning, Tinkler Incorporated, or the tragically, aptly named Storm Financial et al.
Geez, if we are guilty of anything it's our terrible investments.
But did the PM do anything illegal?
Although we were boyfriend and girlfriend at the time, I can't remember if she set up the slushie, however I'm sure she didn't read or sign anything, she had minions do that, their raison d'etre.
In any case, given the size of our slush fund and the rate at which we dipped into it, it's a wonder anyone can remember anything from the 90s.
Again, this is the raison d'etre of slush funds isn't it? And who didn't have one in the 90s?
Anyway, a royal commission's time would be better spent chasing real crooks such as former Labor ministers, a few church ministers and perhaps looking at why people don't know how to indicate at roundabouts.
After all that is their right royal raison d'etre.
Gosh, all this talk of slush and raisons makes one awfully thirsty, so time to dip into the local fund, which just happens to have a few raisins of its own .
Yaldara Premium Aged Tawny (Aged 7 Years), $20
Fortifieds are making a comeback, but summer is a difficult match, unless you have ice, or better yet, ice cream. 8.2/10.
Cockburn's Late Bottled Vintage Port 2006, $27
Proper port from proper Porto in Portugal so it's allowed to be called that. How porty can you get? The real deal tastes just as you would expect. 8.7/10, extra points for being my first Port port.
Gapsted Fragolino, NV $19
Wow! What weird stuff you can find when you dig deep enough into the PMs background or your own slush fund. Amazing colour and amazing flavour, have it on a slush puppie. 9/10.
Topper's Mountain Vintage Touriga 2009, $25
Longer legs than Julie Bishop's memory of phone conversations, this is more concentrated red wine than fortified, but at 20 per cent it's fighting in that weight division. 8.9/10
Adinfern Ruby Forte 2008, $21 (on special)
Another more red-wine like than something from the old country or the 60s, but absolutely delicious. Have it with a royal commission. 9/10.
(All Saints) St Leonards Classic Muscat, $22
Another weapon in the arsenal of the fortified fightback so if you're looking for a raison for raisin, dessert is now the rage. 8.6/10.