STICK to hot dogs and burgers, America, and leave the meat pie eating to us.
Australians can forgive you for many things: Pronouncing "Craig" like "Cregg", terrible coffee, occasionally mistaking us for New Zealand, but we won't forgive you for blatantly desecrating a national icon.
Our humble meat pie has made its way Stateside after Australian company Four'N Twenty announced a partnership with NBA franchise Philadelphia 76ers today.
We're sure an influx of pies will be a welcome sight for Philadelphia's Aussie young gun Ben Simmons, even if adding the sweet mix of meat and pastry to his diet probably won't help his performance on the court.
To celebrate the cultural exchange renowned ESPN sports business reporter Darren Rovell - whose Twitter feed is filled with reviews of food at sports stadiums - was brave enough to taste test the new arrival.
But things went downhill fast before he even took his first bite.
In a video uploaded to Twitter, Rovell had the audacity to cut his pie in half. Then, excruciatingly, he cut it again.
Oh, and did we mention he went without tomato sauce?
Take your time to recover from that bombshell. Breathe - everything will be OK.
Not knowing the only cutlery you need to chow down on a pie is your own two hands, some kind souls on social media took it upon themselves to make Rovell aware of his inexplicable faux pas.
darren the public desecration of a four n' twenty pie in the manner of which you have just done is a declaration of war as per the australian constitution we will see you on the battlefield— wheels (@wheelswordsmith) November 20, 2017
A word of advice, don't use cutlery to eat a Four N Twenty, that's what you've got two hands for!— James Rate (@J_Rate94) November 20, 2017
Also if you can still see the pastry on the top you need more tomato sauce— Simon Cowan (@SimonJCowan) November 20, 2017
This is a bootable offence mate— Three Lions 🦁🦁🦁 🍒🍒🍒 (@TheCursedChapo) November 20, 2017
Our favourite reply came from Queensland Police, whose dedication to protecting the sanctity of the meat pie is to be admired.
Fortunately, the barrage of "advice" did the trick and Rovell apologised for his heinous crime. He won't make the same mistake again.
I am sorry to all Australians for my lack of understanding on how to eat a meat pie.— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) November 20, 2017
I have been destroyed all day for how I apparently tested out the Australian meat pie being offered at 76ers games. Now that the police are involved, I would like to extend my sincere apologies. https://t.co/HNa24A5YGc— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) November 20, 2017