Are we true blue or pulling your leg?
APPARENTLY there's a group of people out there who believe Australia doesn't exist.
A theory discussed in a forum thread on the Flat Earth Society website, which has recently surfaced on social media, claims the country is a cover-up for the government.
What the government was supposedly covering up was not suggested in the thread.
What it does suggest, however, is everyone who says they are from Australia is really a secret agent and part of an elaborate plot to trick the world.
Sounds to me like someone has a few roos loose in the top paddock.
Or, I could be wrong. It's been known to happen.
If I am wrong, then I want a pay rise.
It seems like a pretty big role to take on with not a whole lot of benefits.
In saying that, perhaps a pay deduction is in order, since it would mean I'm not being a very good journalist.
If Australia isn't real, can someone explain our bird-eating spiders, killer jellyfish and the deadly snakes that keep popping up in our backyards?
I've had way too many close encounters with two of the three and to be honest, I could do without ever running into any ever again.
I want to meet the person who came up with our famous Aussie catchphrases.
"She'll be right", "dog's breakfast" and "onya bike" are a few of my favourites that I would like to think were fair dinkum.
Does this mean Mel Gibson, Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman are all secret agents?
If that's the case they should all get Logies for their roles as mega-famous actors and actresses from Australia.
Well, the Logie Awards wouldn't really exist either, I suppose.
And what about Vegemite?
I can't live in a world where that delicious spread is simply a fictitious creation. If fairy bread isn't real then my whole childhood was a lie.
Whoever made the Sydney Opera House did a you-beaut job, especially with all the fake tourist photos that come out of there.
I also really love what they did with the Great Barrier Reef.
If you hadn't already realised, I'm - as any true blue Australian would say - "just taking the p---".
But it's not a completely alien idea is it? We live in a place where kangaroos fight humans and humans on occasion enjoy a bit of kangaroo meat.
Do other countries eat their national animal? I'm not hating on kangaroo eaters, but I am very curious.
Do the Bangladesh eat tigers? Do the people of Denmark eat swan?
Australia is a place where the deceivingly cute and cuddly platypus actually has enough venom in its body to kill a small dog, and is home to deadly venomous fish that look like simple stones. Stones that people could step on.
And I know I brought this up in a previous column, but our former prime minister Tony Abbott ate a raw onion.
It raises eyebrows. Things like that don't happen anywhere else.