Best zingers about presidential debate

 

US talk show hosts did not hold back when reviewing yesterday's presidential debate between Donald Trump and Joe Biden.

The comedians had ample material for jokes after the 90-minute spectacle which was described by commentators as "the worst presidential debate in history".

Here are the best lines from the hosts.

Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

• Seriously, did anyone take anything away from tonight? Was that helpful to any American? The only person who enjoyed that was Vladimir Putin while he was stroking a cat.

• Honestly, sitting through that debate felt like getting a COVID test in both nostrils at once.

• After the debate I threw on The Vow just to pick myself up.

• Usually when you see two guys this age arguing, it's about leaves being blown on to each other's lawns.

• As expected, the debate was full of helpful insults, constant fighting and vicious personal attacks. Or as Americans call it, Thanksgiving.

• After the debate was over (Chris) Wallace said he wants to moderate something a little more civil like a Real Housewives reunion or a back alley knife fight.

• You know it was a rough debate when the guy who told the President to 'shut up' was seen as the classy candidate.


Jimmy Kimmel on Jimmy Kimmel Live

• It got off to an interesting start, you know; they flipped a coin to determine who would get the first question, but when Trump saw the quarter in the air he said, 'Hey, that's how much I paid in taxes last year,' and it went downhill from there.

• Because of the pandemic, there's no opening handshake tonight; there's no physical contact. The candidates remained socially distant the whole time. It was like date night with Melania.

• I'd call it a nightmare, but at least during a nightmare you get some sleep.

• You know things are getting heated when the moderator pleads, 'Please, gentlemen, let's return to the topic of race.'


Trevor Noah on The Daily Show

• They don't need a moderator for this thing, they need a UFC ref. Dana White, get on it!

• Give the next moderator a spray bottle just to spritz them anytime they interrupt. I promise you Trump will be quiet because his hair turns into a gremlin if it gets wet.

• I have never, and I mean never, wanted to see a commercial break more badly in my life. I cannot do 90 straight minutes of this sh*t ever again. It was brutal. There's got to be a commercial break every five minutes and during those commercial breaks every ad should be for antidepressants or some drug that has side effects that make you forget the last four years.

• I don't know how Biden did, because Trump did more interrupting than Kanye West in a room full of Taylor Swifts. It sounded less like a debate and more like the radio was stuck catching two stations.


Stephen Colbert on The Late Show

• I'm glad I've already had my children, because I think just watching that sterilised me.

• When speaking about Trump's refusal to condemn white supremacists, Colbert impersonated the President and said: "I don't support white supremacists. I just command them like a dog. That's why I've got this shiny dog whistle. 'Proud Boys! Proud Boys, stand back! Sit! Who's a Proud Boy? You're a Proud Boy.'"


Originally published as Best zingers about presidential debate



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