Byron locals tell border hoppers to ‘go f---ing home’
Range Rovers, SUVs and even a Maserati or two with Victorian number plates are cruising Byron's main drag along Jonson Street.
Pasty middle-aged white men with iPhones glued to their ears, upturned collars and loafers are "walking around as if they own the joint". The women decked out in designer boho threads try to look the part.
"You can spot the Melburnians in a second," longtime Byron local Putu Winchester-Stanton told Page 13.
"They just reek of Melbourne. Puffer jackets and ironed jeans. I mean what's with that?"
Winchester-Stanton, a former Heartbreak High soap idol turned local gay icon and ragtrader, says Byron has become overrun with yuppie Melburnians.
"The tasteless mediocrity that plagues the greedy and selfish just oozes from their ironed jeans," he said.
"They are probably up here spending other people's money. If they are sneaky enough to get here during this pandemic then imagine what else they are up to. They make my skin crawl."
Harsh, but he is not alone; "master of the dark arts" Kane Latty who lives in Byron's Arts and Industrial Estate, says rich sushi-eating Melburnians sit around "like twats" eating Japanese.
"It was bad enough before the school holidays, but now they all ponce around thinking they're the Hemsworths. Go f---ing home."
Page 13 was going to out the Melbourne movers, shakers and celebs who have found their way up there, and there are plenty. But the lawyers struck and said not after that spray.
Last we heard, Melbourne dollars are still legal tender.
Originally published as Byron locals tell Melbourne border hoppers to 'go f---ing home'