Grant Burge 10 Year Old Tawny
Grant Burge 10 Year Old Tawny

Diving in the affinity pool

All nurses have tales of malapropisms, such as the woman insisting she was prescribed Oil of Urine for her chafed hands.

But many such slips of the tongue (or education) have great merit, not the least this one.

Many races of the world have uses for old urine that western society is too squeamish to admit or consider.

If it's good enough for astronauts and survivalists, why not everyone?

Also in the medical realm is TP's 'Nano Nap'.

Unaware the term Nana nap is a disparaging remark about someone's impending ageing issues, she simply applied the innovative, scientific interpretation.

Nano-seconds for overdue account notices, nano-particles for sunscreen, nano-naps for busy corporate types.

An even better 'mal' emerged in conversation recently from the divine Ms L, the 'Affinity Pool'.

Imagine that? Everyone who jumps in suddenly has an affinity with everyone else in there, or better yet the rest of the world?

Solve all the world's conflicts and cool off at the same time. Fabulous.

Or, like the term from which it springs, an 'Affinity Pool' perhaps presents new horizons.

Then from Cutlery Woman, one of the world's dabbest hands at misnomers and mondogreens, came the very Christian comment that people should be forgiven their "indiscrepencies" - as opposed to indiscretions.

How thoughtful that one should be considered no different to anyone else despite their stupidity.

However not all mispronunciations are for the better, for instance another of Cutlery Woman's classics is "tonight's X-factor contestants were singing archipelago".

Perhaps the whole show was sent to some distant isles?

Meanwhile, her notion of the 'Chamber of Comments' accurately reflects the function of many such organisations of a similar name.

Some inaccuracies definitely need addressing, not the least Little Ms K's efforts to change the course of history and ruin tourism in one go with her "Snowman murders" and "Port Douglas massacre".

Somewhat more benign, we can all delight in Ms L's 'Freudenhound', which presumably is the joy one derives from watching someone have to pick up after their dog in a very, very public place.

Perhaps she should practice what she preaches and realize "you've got to wait for delayed gratification".

Not always. Gratifying yourself with one of these takes no time at all:

Down to Earth Sauvignon Blanc 2012, $26

Down to Earth for a wine is so clever on so many levels yet…so clichéd. Neither over the top nor under-achieving it lives up to it's name. 8.3/10.

Grant Burge 10 Year Old Tawny (Grenache Shiraz Mataro), $65

 Who would have guessed the Barossan staple, GSM, would make delightful fortified? Grant Burge obviously, and a few others, it's just been named Best Fortified in the World 2012...for the fourth time. Astonishing. 9/10.

Chateau Tanunda Medley Grenache Shiraz Mataro 2010, $15

And another…gimme that old time religion…Barossa gsm. It's like going to church after 45 years absence…without the religion. 8.6/10.

Pierrepoint Pinot Noir 2011, $39.50

This'll test the tongue twisters twice in tight time, and the tongue tasters too eventually. Different kettle of pinot from Henty, in south western Victoria. 8.5/10.

Chandon ZD Vintage 2008, $40

Sounds like a Ford Falcon doesn't it? Let's hope it doesn't go the same way over time. Voted Best Family Sedative in Meals magazine. 8.9/10.

Chain of Ponds Section 400 Pinot Noir 2010, $22

Section 400 sounds like something from Long Bay Gaol, and Chain of Ponds makes a nice metaphor for ankle chains. Lock it in Eddie. 8.8/10.


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