Groom threatens to walk out of Married At First Sight
LOOKS like yet another couple is about to bite the dust on Married At First Sight, with second-round groom Andrew moving out of his and Cheryl's marital unit after a disastrous visit to her hometown.
The last time we saw Andrew, he was having a new one ripped for him by Cheryl's aggressive Scottish dad, Hamish, who kicked him out of his Sunshine Coast house by saying, "I'm done with this bonding - get out, mate".
Cheryl sums up the situation by admitting her dad was "a little extreme", which is kind of like saying the Titanic got "a little wet".
Speaking of home stays, Nadia is entering week five of her hostage situation, but is still being a good sport and showing Anthony around her home town.
It all seems fine until he takes some issue with her being at the beach mid afternoon, instead of in the kitchen preparing for their dinner party (which is set to begin five and a half hours later).
Nadia assures him they have loads of time, and he fires back with "if it was me ..."
Sorry - I've faded out the rest of his speech because no one cares.
This might all have contributed to her suddenly announcing her eligibility at dinner in front of Anthony and her friends.
"It's not like I don't have options. I've got options, but do I really want to settle down with a 25-year-old?" she asks the group passionately
This is not well received:
On the other side of the country, twins Michelle and Sharon are really cracking the whip with their dates.
That's not an analogy.
The girls take their husbands - Jesse and Nick - to meet their dad in a paddock, and he makes the guys recreate the Lady and the Tramp pasta thing, except with a piece of hay and a terrifying threat of a whip cracking over them.
Strangely enough, the whipping thing really does something to Nick, so I think it's safe to say he and Sharon had a saucy night.
"I want to try new things with Sharon. I want to participate, I want to show her that I do care," he says.
"I want to do things with her."
Like I said, saucy times later.
The girls' dad is so impressed with Nick that he could probably get a job as one of his farmhands, but Jesse is simply told he has "good persistence", which is a real hark back to the many purple 'participation' ribbons I received in primary school.
The silver lining for Jesse is that he and Michelle are getting along a lot better ever since she forced him to strip down to a G-string and get a fake tan, so as long as he can get a good deal on a 10-visit pack, I reckon they might work out.
The other couples aren't getting a look in here because they're being quite sweet to each other (read: boring) and as such are being punished because DON'T THEY KNOW THIS IS REALITY TV?
Back at MAFS HQ, it appears Andrew can't stomach the idea of going for round two with the angry Scotsman and has begun to extricate himself from Cheryl's clutches by moving to another unit right before the weekly dinner party.
He admits his feelings toward her have changed, and that there have been a few "alarm bells".
"There's another unit available, so I'm thinking I'll go stay there for a bit to give each of us some space," Andrew tells Cheryl.
Cheryl looks very unhappy with this information, as it slowly dawns on her that her marriage track record is starting to make Britney Spears' look impressive.
Once they arrive at the party, we're all relieved to discover Anthony has finally stepped up to the plate and started giving his own personal analysis of the other couples' relationships, just like the experts.
After Andrew reveals to the guys that he and Cheryl are sleeping apart, Anthony delivers his take.
"I'm not surprised to hear that. From day one, I really questioned that match," he explains earnestly to the camera.
"If that's not a sign a relationship is doomed, I don't know what is."
The actual relationship psychologists then say some stuff, but let's go back to the expert:
"Cheryl dug her own grave. She's there physically, but mentally and emotionally, she's just not present," Anthony tells us.
Privately, Andrew gets fairly emotional talking to Sharon about his disastrous union, telling her she was "spot on" about Cheryl.
"Things haven't been good - it's been horrible," he tells them.
"I haven't felt that low in a number of years ... I haven't cried for years and I was basically welling up."
Let's just call this one dead in the water and move on to a new topic.
Meanwhile, Susan is attempting to smooth things over with Michelle and Sharon after calling them bullies for ganging up on Cheryl at the last dinner party, where she re-entered the experiment with Andrew.
Only problem is, they didn't know she'd called them bullies.
This new information is taken about as well as that moment Deb found out her new hubby wasn't Polynesian.
Anyway, Susan is still confusing everyone with her and Sean's relationship status.
They're being all cutesy, but didn't she break up with him last week?! The whole thing reeks of Regina George and Aaron Samuels and I don't know what to think.
So let's check in with Anthony:
"I identified early on with Sean and Susan that they're both wonderful people individually - but together, they don't work. Sean's a horseman" he explains.
"Suze wants someone who will make her a priority. Sean needs a horsewoman, and Suze is not a horsewoman. End of story. Game over."
Married At First Sight continues on Sunday night at 7.30pm on Channel Nine.