Hemsworth’s Byron trend goes global
It's easy to keep up with the Hemsworths when you're barefoot.
While many of us have a "no shoe" policy for inside our homes, Chris and the fam have a "no shoe" policy for life.
Their yen for a barefoot existence has been well documented in this column. Over summer I wrote about adopting the trend myself around Sydney. It was a very stressful experience - dodging needles, padding around dead rats and skipping over excrement that probably did not come from a dog. The reality of going barefoot everywhere is nowhere near as glamorous as Chris and Elsa make it look.
Even in lockdown, they're running around Byron barefoot in search of frozen yoghurt with their groovy-looking kids. Those children have never worn shoes or seen the inside of a Just Cuts in their lives. And that's not a criticism - I wish I looked that cool when I was five but also now.
Some of you may wonder why several columns have been dedicated to Chris Hemsworth's feet. Because history needs to be documented. This is a detailed record of Australian society. Plus, this is the same column that once devoted 932 words to Michelle Bridges' bandaid. We lean into the nuances.
Cave-dweller chic is the hot new trend. We've all been unconsciously living it while in lockdown. The worst thing about having to go back to an office will be having to wear shoes. Or will we?
Turns out the Hemsworth's barefoot trend is spreading like the coronavirus and gone global. Over in LA, celebs are ditching their shoes and hitting the pavement with bare soles.
Justin Bieber was snapped hooning around on his BMX barefoot this week. Is it just me or does he always look like he smells like a McDonald's? Then Chrissy Teigen was snapped sans footwear.
The style is filtering through and it's only a matter of time before the public starts adopting it.
But a word of warning: As someone who only leaves the house in Birkenstocks, foot maintenance is vital. Stuck in isolation, I bought one of those electric foot sanders from the pharmacy. It's basically a power tool you'd find at Bunnings. After an hour of grinding away at my heels, my apartment was covered in sawdust.
Those quaint dusty roads up in Byron must be hell on Chris and Elsa's feet. I wonder if they unwind at the end of a tough week by attacking each other's heels with the electric sander.
Maybe if Nicole Kidman adopted the Hemsworth's barefoot trend she could've avoided her recent fall. Did you guys see those photos of her in that moon boot? It's hard to look elegant in a moon boot but you better believe Nicole found a way.
Apparently she was running around Nashville and stacked it in a pothole and this probably wouldn't have happened if she was barefoot. Hindsight's a cruel dame.
I've questioned the Hemsworth's a lot for their aversion to shoes but maybe they're onto something. After all, we never see Chris and Elsa hobbling around in moon boots. Of course, if they ever did require a moon boot, it would probably be some stylish fair-trade eco moon boot made entirely out of recycled potato sacks that you can only buy from a Byron Bay witch.
Ugh, the understated glamour.
ONE HUNDRED PER CENT AUSSIE MADE
In the same week where China threatened to up the tariffs and enforce stricter quality control on Aussie exports, the US are probably spewing they didn't do the same thing for our TV exports.
Australia's esteemed series Married At First Sight will be premiering in the States this Wednesday. It's the first time our version of the controversial Channel 9 show has aired over there and they have no bloody idea what they're in for.
US viewers are already in shock at some of the promos that have aired - with many outraged after finding out we have cheating sandals. Honestly, it's cute they think cheating is the worst thing to happen on our version of the series.
Can you imagine how they'll react when they see the toilet toothbrush scandal?
I've never been more proud to be Australian.
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Originally published as Hemsworth's Byron trend goes global