Mum's response brings home risks of a sexless marriage
IN A place where people openly discuss sexless marriages, a villain and a hero have emerged.
Mostly it's men who feel lost with wives or partners who have a low libido or 'LL' compared to their higher libidos or HL.
On Sunday, the community was exploding after an 'LL F' or low libido female gave her view.
The writer says after having an active sex life with her husband before their son was born -- up to five times a week -- but it has dwindled to once a month because sex is now something she hates.
She now questions why sex is such a big deal, doesn't see its purpose and "can't believe some people can obsess about it so much".
"I'm a good wife in other ways. I cook for him, we split household and child duties," she writes
"I don't get how he can't just be happy with his life. We have an amazing son, we do a lot of activities together, preschool, church, swimming, music lessons, go to parks, he and my husband play sports together in the garden.
"We have a nice group of friends and often have bbq or go out together.
"I don't need sex to be happy and I don't get why he does."
"It seems he's making himself unhappy by not enjoying all these things."
Given the audience, her words cut deep.
Enter a "woman with kids" with the nickname 'Wonderfly11' who describes what it is to deal with these broken men this other woman can't understand.
"No one expects their wife to become a porn star after children.
"But if you can't manage to muster up some enthusiasm for intimacy that is somewhere between what you used to land him and what he's getting now, you are responsible for what happens next."
Her comments -- in full below -- were given 37 counts of Reddit Gold (worth about $4 a pop) and given 4653 positive votes.
Read the full response here, some coarse language:
As a woman with kids, I feel you are taking advantage of your husband and probably driving an enormous wedge between you two.
Instead of gently leading you into a discussion about maintaining your identity as a mother and a wife, I'll ask you to consider the end game here.
There are women everywhere who love sex, you were one once. Your husband sounds like a great catch, since he's stayed with you while being neglected and made to feel undesirable.
If sex isn't important to you, then of course you won't mind if he gets it somewhere else, right?
What will happen to your libido when he leaves you for a passionate woman? Who, by your age, will probably have kids of her own, thus proving that it's possible to love your kids and your partner.
When he leaves and you find yourself single, you reckon it will be easy to find another partner you don't have to have sex with?
Or will you somehow get your a-- in gear, get in shape, fix your hair, and magically remember how to flirt, seduce, and give **** jobs again? My suspicions are the latter.
I run the lab for an ob/gyn. I have the bad luck of sharing an open lab with a waiting room wall and end up in awkward conversations all day long with patients and husbands. Mostly husbands, as they wander over to the cute girl to ask questions about sex during pregnancy and after.
It puts me in the worst position as I'm not ethically allowed to speculate on what happens to their wives that they suddenly feel entitled to all the perks of the relationship: the security, the home, the money, and the social status of marriage while withdrawing the singular act which separates their relationship from one with a sibling.
I can't say anything to them, but I can tell you what they say to me. They proposition me. Every day, sometimes only one guy, some days it's all the husbands and fathers. And they don't think this is funny.
They are miserable and angry and feeling used and I don't blame them.
You can't feel it because you have no idea what it feels like to be shunned and rejected every day by the person who would hang the moon for you.
What you are doing isn't just insensitive, it's hateful and it's guaranteed to make him love you less until he doesn't love you at all.
No one expects their wife to become a porn star after children.
But if you can't manage to muster up some enthusiasm for intimacy that is somewhere between what you used to land him and what he's getting now, you are responsible for what happens next.
Why in the world you'd give up the love and attention of a good man is beyond me. Sex is good for you. It strengthens your bond. That bond is good for your family.
And it's the difference between a bitter, angry and distant couple and that great Romance worth toasting on your 25th anniversary.
You get to decide. Do you want a full life and a stronger marriage and happier family?
Or do you just want to neglect him and bleed him dry until he cheats or leaves you to be with a passionate woman who will love him and your kids?