OPINION: No excuse for your sweaty stench

EVERY TIME I attend Rockhampton Magistrates Court to report on a matter, I feel like I should be sweating profusely just to fit in.

When it comes to personal hygiene, some of the regular attendees there are recidivists in the grubby department.

I have always said that I'm of the firm belief that if I'm reporting on a matter before the court I should try to blend in with my surroundings: a) to avoid any potential conflict and b) to get the best possible story.

But sometimes when you blend in you become part of it; and enough is simply enough.

When I was a teenager, I was raised by my paternal grandmother: a stout woman with oodles of knowledge and an annoying fetish for cleanliness.

She always encouraged her grandchildren to administer on themselves the hygiene deluxe kit: water, soap, body wash, shampoo, toothbrush and paste, Listerine, body spray, underarm etc etc.

On top of that, my grandmother (who was also 101% stone-deaf) encouraged short, tidy hair and a baby-bottom- smooth face.

Fortunately, or unfortunately if you're measuring your manliness by body hair-growth rate, it has taken my moustache two years to sprout.

I have always been very self-conscious about how I smell around other people.

Dudes, a can of Lynx is simply not cutting it if you're popping out to Woolworths to buy a hot chicken from the deli.

If you're spraying that stuff on an unwashed body, that chook is going to fly.

Studies from the US National Library of Medicine have shown that poor hygiene practices and inadequate sanitary conditions play major roles in the increased burden of communicable diseases within developing countries.

This does include basic practices like washing your hands after using the toilet.

If you have serious problems with holding the reins on your hygiene, the least you can do is look after your teeth.

They are your best asset when everything else isn't working for you.

Trust me, I know. Hashtag, Colgate. Hashtag, other assets are crap.

I like to say to my friends, I'm bored, let's go and brush your teeth, mate.

It is the only diplomatic way to tell your mates to give the bath a good go. I'm a pretty cool chap.

I'm pretty sure everyone else is as well. But please, it is hard for someone to say to you, mate, you smell.

Please save us the headache and go and have a wash.

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