How taxes are responsible for every business failure, ever

DEAR How Do I: Business:

I have an idea that I think could be worth a lot of money if I put it on the market.

The problem is, I'm deathly afraid of going into business for myself.

All I ever hear about is small business going bust and ruining lives as a result. How does it happen? How do businesses go under?

Sincerely,

J Edsel

Dear J:

Businesses only go under for one reason - taxes.

A client of mine hired their 13-year-old-nephew to build their website. Ten days later, taxes closed them down.

A coffee cart near me refused to open before 8am because too many cyclists came through the area. The carbon tax got them in the winter.

Three journalists from the Australian started a coffee shop next to a Starbucks. The mining tax forced them into bankruptcy.

The chiropractor where I took my newborn son for adjustments refused to get an accountant to do his books - the gay marriage tax had him selling his home.

Now, don't get me wrong, not paying tax is illegal.

We should have vicious new laws that add 25 years to the jail term of anyone in a business group caught in groups of three or more.

But if you pay tax, you're going to fail in business and lose your wife and kids in the divorce.

This column is satirical and not a source of tax advice. It is almost certain that following this column's advice will land you in jail. Join the conversation and send your tax-evasion experiences to kieran.salsone@apn.com.au.



Sand quarry approved as concerns resolved after 3 years

premium_icon Sand quarry approved as concerns resolved after 3 years

Residents are happy with the result but an appeal could be lodged

Coalition is tackling the issue of labour hire: Landry

premium_icon Coalition is tackling the issue of labour hire: Landry

Capricornia MP lays out her plans to increase fairness for workers

Labor's guarantee to fix NBN rollout or penalties will apply

Labor's guarantee to fix NBN rollout or penalties will apply

NBN roll out rage has been widespread but Labor has a plan to fix it

Local Partners