The messy truth behind the race that stops the nation
OPINION: WELL, the Melbourne Cup is now over, and if you're like me you're thinking, "What? The Melbourne Cup was on?"
Look, it's not that I don't like horse racing.
I would just rather go at a time when there wasn't 4000 drunk millennials pretending to like racing, when they really just like dressing up and drinking champers.
And call me crazy, many have, but if you end the Melbourne Cup with a broken heel and vomit in your hair, you may want to skip next year.
Not to mention the fact that pictures are posted in the media every year of the celebrants in all stages of drunkenness.
My favourites are the "sack 'o potatoes" pics, where the girl ends up getting so drunk, her boyfriend has to carry her out slung over his shoulder.
The stats for drunken antics for this year's Cup are as follows:
Authorities removed 15 people from the grounds for drunkenness and/or possessing a drug of dependence.
We can only assume this would be a selfie stick.
Paramedics assessed 13 people, eight required transfer to hospital, while the other five were just happy drunks who wanted to tell the ambos how much they loved them.
One man received an infringement notice for discharging a missile. After hearing of the incident, Donald Trump commented the man, "sounded like a very fine person".
Forty-seven rubbish bins had to be quarantined after being vomited in by girls wearing fascinators and drinking Rose.
Seventeen tonnes of rubbish, mostly tinnies and champas bottles were left on the grounds by the same people preaching on social media about saving the environment.
One couple split up after drunkenly arguing about whether or not handstands with a dress on was appropriate.
The next day they forgot they had fought and were still together at time of print.
And when everything is said and done, the main reason for the entire event, the most well-known thoroughbred horse race in Australia (not to mention the death of a horse) is overshadowed by the complete lack of decorum by these attendees.
Reading the news stories the day after, you don't immediately see the amazing photos of the race and the beautiful horses straight off, you see girls dressed better than some brides falling over themselves, puking into bins, guys in suits getting into fistfights, and people getting pulled away by the police.
I'm not sure why or when it became popular to dress up to the nines, go to an annual event attended by some of Australia's finest and most famous, and end up drinking yourself so far into oblivion, you probably don't even remember who won, or that a horse lost its life.
Those aren't the pictures they'll post, but wouldn't it be fun if they did?