Trump goes on weird rant about sharks
Welcome back to our live coverage of the Democratic National Convention in the United States.
We have made it to the final day of this week-long political gabfest, and I'm starting to think these Democrats don't like Donald Trump very much.
Yesterday, former president Barack Obama unleashed an extraordinary attack on the man who replaced him in the White House. And for once, I'm not using the word "extraordinary" to make a boring politician's boring speech sound less boring for you. It really was unprecedented for a former president to go after his successor the way Mr Obama did.
Here, have a related link.
Today is all about the guy who wants to replace Donald Trump, Joe Biden. The Democratic candidate is giving his speech accepting the party's nomination, and if you aren't thrilled at the prospect of listening to an old man stumble over words he's reading off a teleprompter for 40 minutes, then quite frankly there's no helping you.
Trump's weird rant about sharks
So, here we are. Against all odds, we have survived three days of politicians talking about how great they are, and arrived at the final day.
We still have a little over an hour until the convention's prime time proceedings begin. So to pass the time, let's check in on President Trump.
He gave a speech to his supporters in Scranton, Pennsylvania today, and said a great many things about Joe Biden. At the moment, however, I want to discuss Mr Trump's weird rant about sharks.
In the middle of his speech, the President got distracted by a mosquito.
"I want to get that mosquito," Mr Trump said, waving his hand around in the air.
"I don't like - they say it's cruelty to animals. I don't know - no, it's true!"
At this point the crowd started to laugh. Encouraged, perhaps, Mr Trump decided to segue into his hatred for another loathsome creature.
"They were saying the other night, the shark! They were saying, 'Oh, sharks! We have to protect them," he said.
"I said, 'Wait a minute, wait.' They actually want to remove all the seals in order to save the shark. I said, 'Wait a minute. Don't you have it the other way around?' That's true."
To be entirely honest with you, I'm not sure what the President was referring to here.
Was he watching an Attenborough documentary the other night? That seems out of character.
Did he have to sit through a meeting with some members of the shark lobby? Is the shark lobby even a thing that exists?
One of Mr Trump's political nemeses, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, did mention "Shark Week" before her convention speech the other night.
Gov. Whitmer (D-MI) jokes before going live: "It's not just Shark Week ... it's Shark Week *mouths expletive*" pic.twitter.com/KSndbTvLZi— The Recount (@therecount) August 18, 2020
I have no idea why that was funny, by the way. But the people in the video laughed, so I assume it's because I have a deficient sense of humour.
Anyway, that doesn't feel like the right answer either. Ms Whitmer said nothing about protecting the sharks by getting rid of seals.
Never mind. Donald Trump had a conversation with someone about sharks, and that's all the context we are going to get.
"I'm not a big fan of sharks either," he continued.
"I don't know, how many votes am I going to lose? I have people calling me up. 'Sir, we wanted to - we have a fund to save the shark. It's called save the shark.'
"I say, 'No, thank you, I have other things I can contribute to.'"
The detour ended there, and Mr Trump returned to his prepared remarks.
I can already sense a few of you, dear readers, bristling at my description of this as a "weird rant". Such media bias!
Folks, it's the President of the United States going off-script during a re-election campaign speech to talk about sharks. If Biden did something like this you'd be calling for him to be institutionalised, and so would I.
Who knows, maybe Mr Biden will address the pressing shark issue during his address later today. If so, I promise to write a snarky headline about it.
There's actually another, even weirder layer to this.
Mr Trump's shark monologue is corroborating evidence, of a sort, that he did indeed have that extramarital affair with adult film actress Stormy Daniels.
An interview Ms Daniels gave to In Touch Weekly back in 2011 got a lot of attention at the time, and even more since, because she claimed she could "describe Trump's junk perfectly".
I want to stress that I am not remotely interested in Donald Trump's junk. I'm bringing up the interview because Ms Daniels also claimed Mr Trump was "obsessed with sharks".
She made this claim while describing a night she spent with the future president at the Beverly Hills Hotel in 2007.
"The strangest thing about that night - this was the best thing ever," said Ms Daniels.
"You could see the television from the little dining room table and he was watching Shark Week, and he was watching a special about the USS something, and it sank, and it was like, the worst shark attack in history.
"He is obsessed with sharks. Terrified of sharks.
"He was like, 'I donate to all these charities and I would never donate to any charity that helps sharks. I hope all the sharks die.
"They'll say it's cruelty to animals."— The Hill (@thehill) August 20, 2020
President Trump's speech is interrupted when he swats a mosquito, then discusses his dislike of sharks. pic.twitter.com/o2rcOst7M6
"He was like, riveted. He was like, obsessed. It's so strange, I know."
I should note that Mr Trump has denied having any affair with Ms Daniels, though he did get his personal lawyer to give her $US130,000 to keep quiet about said nonexistent affair before the 2016 election.
And with that, I do believe you are up to date with all the latest shark-related Trump news. I hope you feel informed.
Originally published as Trump goes on weird rant about sharks