‘What I learnt sleeping with bisexual guys’
KATY is a 32-year-old jewellery designer who started sleeping with bisexual men by accident. After sharing a bed with a few however, she's hooked. Here's why.
In celebration of Bi Visibility Day, observed on September 23 by members of the bisexual community and their supporters, we share Katy's story.
I HAVE never been attracted to overly masculine men. I'm not adverse to muscles but having to live up to masculine and feminine stereotypes just doesn't interest me.
Interestingly, macho guys have never been attracted to me either, despite the fact I'm a very feminine looking woman. My type would be intelligent, arty guys who are more in touch with their feminine side.
Over the last six years that I've been single, I have dated two bi guys and had sex with one. My longest relationship was with the first man who told me he was bisexual.
Jake* was open about it from the moment that I slept with him after meeting him at a party. It was the hottest first-time sex I'd ever had because he put such an emphasis on me having a good time.
The next morning when we were cuddling, he candidly revealed that he enjoyed having sex with guys, but his significant emotional connections were always with women. I remember him speaking of the energy two men could create together, but he said that for him, it was a physical release. He couldn't imagine settling down with a guy.
We'd had such a great time, I wanted to keep seeing him. We had a real connection, he was just so easy to be around. However, his bisexuality freaked me out at first, even though I had slept with a handful of girls over the years.
I'd enjoyed these experiences, but I hadn't felt like I had to identify as a lesbian. I would have said I was bi-curious. However unlike Jake, I'd have been open to a relationship with a woman, but it just didn't happen.
What made me paranoid was that Jake would want to be with guys when we were together. That I wouldn't be enough. Jake was a handsome guy, which meant he could have had his pick of women and gay guys.
When I confessed my fears to him, he was pretty open. He said he was massively into me and that he would never cheat. If our relationship ever got to the stage that we wanted to open it, then it could be negotiated, or not. He said it would be a mutual decision.
It was weirdly reassuring that a guy was being honest to me about his desires, as my previous straight partner was a massive cheater. I mean, he was horrendous. We broke up after five years together after I'd found out that he'd had another affair, then practically all of my girlfriends told me that he'd sleazed on to them.
Jake and I dated for nearly a year until he was sent overseas by his company. My business was taking off and I didn't want to go. It was pretty heartbreaking to say goodbye. However, we stayed friends on Facebook. He ended up meeting a woman in Hong Kong and is now happily married with a beautiful child.
After dating Jake*, I was more receptive to bi guys. What I realised was once you question your sexuality, you don't fall into binary gender roles, where the man feels as he has to be the dominant force.
My current boyfriend who I'm in an open relationship with is bi. He has a sensuality that I'd never experienced before. I don't think I've ever had a more vagina-obsessed lover in my life.
Straight guys tend to believe that you're just gagging to get their d**k inside you, my experience with bi-guys has been the opposite. I don't know; maybe they're just more sexual beings?
While it's trendy to be a girl who swings both ways. There is still a lot of discrimination against bi guys. I exist in artistic circles and my girlfriends think dating a bi guy is a bit weird. My gay friends are very judgmental.
There's this perception that there is no such thing as a bi guy that he's in denial that he is indeed gay. That hasn't been my experience. None of the guys I've dated turned out to be gay. It annoys me society thinks women can be bi but not men.
My experience with bi guys is that they have a sensitivity that straight guys rarely possess and honesty that I find refreshing.
- Names have been changed to protect identity.
- Bi Visibility Day is a call for the bisexual community, their friends and supporters to recognise and celebrate bisexual history, bisexual community and culture, and all the bisexual people in their lives.
Visit bivisibilityday.com for more information.